Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
