There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
