found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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