So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
