and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
