It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
