As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
