it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
