i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
