There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
