I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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