I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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