That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
