Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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