My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
