I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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