so that wasnt chicken after all
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
