well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
