some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
