dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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