let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my poor anus
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
