I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
