I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
