Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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