Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
do herpes really smell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
