i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
