I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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