I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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