I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
