i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
