Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
