I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
