she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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