I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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