thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
