Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
