we have pet lesbian snakes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
