Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
