A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
