I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
