I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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