well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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