I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
