I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
