Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
