Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
