I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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