I CAN MOONWALK!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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