I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
