Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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