i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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