Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
