Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
